What do you want to do?

I've been asked this question numerous times by both sisters. They both have thriving careers, one is married with 3 wonderful kids and the other one is married but have no kids yet. I am single and with no real plans of getting married or having kids. At some point in my life, I wanted the same, a husband, kids, a thriving business. But somewhere along the way my drive to stabilize a business that keeps spiraling out of control made me forget that ....yeah I want to get married too!!! and have kids and grow fat and old with the ONE.

I did grow old (my college friends insist I did not age a day since the day we graduated...Bless Them...lol!) and fat, not because of husband and kids but because I just stopped trying to please other people's ideal and started caring more about what I want for myself. The weight gain was due to my constant sitting in front of the computer while drinking coffee and sometimes eating cakes or pastries on the side. For this I will never apologize to anybody not even to myself. I love my coffee....and my chocolates....and the time I spent online....and I love me. My love handles will be here to stay until I decide I don't want them anymore.

But this post is not about my love handles (they will someday have a post of their own someday). It's about doing what I want and why I want to do it. You see, while both sisters has been giving me hints here and there for me to start THINKING ABOUT FINDING A REAL JOB (for those that don't know, I used to own an internet cafe which I sold last year) I was busy reading about gardening, growing mushrooms and composting. Yeah, me a computer potato (that term does not exist yet I think....and let me claim I made that one up!) who hates being under the sun, is thinking about gardening full time! The elder does not know yet, the younger one thinks its a passing hobby. I on the other hand is actually thinking of starting a new business that would have something to do with growing things, getting dirty, feeding worms and spending time under the sun. Well the "working under the sun" thing is negotiable because I still hate going out when the sun is out and shining brightly.

No I am not going to be a farmer ( a market gardener is a more apt title I think) . Something that will give me a chance to give back to the earth while doing something that makes me happy. I might need to work part time for the next few years or dabble in other business to support myself. But I think......I think for the first time in my life....I am on the right track!!!

How about you....what do you want to do?

P.S; I think I will start with the mushrooms and grow from there. Its more doable for a start up business and I have no extra hands to help me anyway. But the garden will definitely happen (I'm starting to slowly populate my sister's plot of land with organic edibles). I just don't know if I will do it as a hobby or go all the way selling organic produce. As for the other businesses I co-own now. They will stay and hopefully thrive as I slowly dip my not so dainty little feet on running a business once again.

p.s again (date edited 5/6/10) I felt so confident yesterday....but today I felt scared...what if this is another stupid mistake?