Reflections....

I left the rat race at 25. I was an Administrative Assistant/ Receptionist at an up and coming Software Development company. At that time we just made the move from living in Valenzuela to our own house in Bulacan. NLEX was still being constructed. Daily commute for me is at least 2 hours in the morning and 1 to 1 1/2 hours a night. I was active in a Prayer Community, majority of my office mates are single and earning double of my take home pay. I don't know which pushed me to the brink, the lack of sleep and long commute or the fact that I was frustrated by the obvious discrepancy my office mate's salary to mine (I was a clerk they are software developers and programmers hence the discrepancy!). Before I knew it, I was sliding back on my work, is always lethargic and for some reason just want OUT. So out I went in a very dramatic manner. Thinking about it now, I should have been more cautious of my actions. Lucky for me, the management sort of let me go easily.

It was followed by a year of frustrating job hunting. The fact that I was practically living in the province didn't help at all. For some reason, I never had the urged to move out and seek greener pasture. During that period the elder sister got married and moved to the US with her husband, while the younger sister graduated from college and thereafter started job hunting. Ever the independent one, she was the only one who actually moved out and rented an apartment close to where she works. I was still in limbo, until my mother asked me what I want and I said I wanted to try my hand at having a business. She managed to cajole my elder sister into giving me start up money. It was a family project, the only thing I did was research and do the leg work.

The early years where OK, but come the fourth year, we started hitting bumps and misses that is becoming more and more difficult to recover from. Before I knew it I was deep in debt, the business was losing money and I was losing my self esteem. It didn't help that I was fighting a silent war with depression and the fact that I was close to having a verbal fight with my landlady who thinks that I am an ATM machine where she could withdraw money even though the rent is not due yet . There are weeks when she would come to me DAILY to ask for an advance in my rent and stupid me just gives in!!!

Again I found myself wanting out and OUT I WENT!!! I sold the shop and took a break.

Now I am back to square one, older but hopefully wiser. I still want to have my own business but start up money is once again a problem. I have little in terms of personal savings and after a year of not having any income at all, that too is fast disappearing. I am making tentative moves to going back to work because I know I will soon die of boredom due to inactivity. I have applied for a couple of part time home based work and I am already training for two of them and is hoping that I would be accepted to at least one. The online business are slowly being revitalized, starting with our multiply account being redone by professionals (yeah, no more free template for us there!!!) I am just waiting for the final design to be finished before start working on the write ups.

The 10 months of rest I took has done me some good I think....(the fast disappearing bank account not counted!). I have kicked DEPRESSION out the door permanently and hopefully I have kicked it strong enough that it will not find its way back to me.

What have a I learned from all of this?..... that after falling.......you just have to learn to pick up yourself...that God is there but there is nothing He could do if you yourself does not want things to happen. :-)

I'm back to square one and is RARING to BEGIN AGAIN!!!